Missy The Cat / Pee In Your Pants Funny

Angela originally sent me this e-mail string almost 2 years ago.  The first time I read through it, I laughed myself to tears, peed my pants, got a gut ache from 10 minutes of non-stop belly laughs, and could not get my nose to stop running from all the snorts.  Suffice it to say, it was absolutely, without question, one of the funniest things I'd ever seen or read in my life.  Yes, I am easy to make laugh.  But, if you don't think this is funny, then it is a sad day.  To get the full effect, read each word of the e-mails carefully; they are loaded with wit and sarcasm.  And the details put into some of the posters are hilarious. I keep this in my saved e-mail folder, and read it 3-4 times a year.  It is still just as funny each time I read it; but I have learned how to have better control of my bodily functions! I hope you enjoy it a fraction as much as I do.  If you do, please share and re-post.  We need more laughs in our world, and this is one way to share some laughter. - Mike  From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am To: David Thorne Subject: Poster Hi, I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon. This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number. Thanks Shan. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am To: Shannon Walkley Subject: Re: Poster Dear Shannon, That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?" Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy. Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am To: David Thorne yeah ok thanks. I know you don’t like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am To: Shannon Walkley Dear Shannon, I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat. Attached poster as requested. Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am To: David Thorne yeah that’s not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small? From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am To: Shannon Walkley Dear Shannon, It's a design thing.  The cat is lost in the negative space. Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am To: David Thorne That’s just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in color please. Thanks. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am To: Shannon Walkley Dear Shannon, Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun. I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions. Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am To: David Thorne This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am To: Shannon Walkley From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am To: David Thorne yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am To: Shannon Walkley Dear Shannon, I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go. I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions. Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am To: David Thorne That’s not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am To: Shannon Walkley I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill. I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven. Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm To: David Thorne Please just use the photo I gave you. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm To: Shannon Walkley From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm To: David Thorne I didn’t say there was a reward. I don’t have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm To: Shannon Walkley From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm To: David Thorne Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm To: Shannon Walkley From: Shannon Walkley Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm To: David Thorne Fine. That will have to do.

 

Cats

 

Absolutely, without question, one of my all-time favorite classic FarSide's, from '85.

And of course, being the numbers guy that I am, it's not hard to get!

Hope you get a chuckle out of this too.  Just notice the details, gads this is funny.



Smile!

 

Have you had your smile today?

This is one of my favorite FarSide's, going way back to '81.

Yeah, I'm easy.  I've seen this one 100+ times, but still makes me chuckle every time!

Ava "Cheerleader" Franco

 

 

Last Friday night I was treated to Ava's (my oldest granddaughter) inaugural Cheerleading game.  She was fantastic, a natural.

 

She turns 7 in 2 weeks; and my how times changed, as I didn't know cheering starting that young.

 

But, she had all the same mantra's of go-fight-win, and some of the same cheer chants reverberated in my brain from 20 years ago when I watched almost every game that Jackie cheered in.  No, the picture in the middle is Ava and her older mini-me sister Angela.  Jackie is her aunt, and was unable to attend the evening's gala.

 

The half time routine was superb!  She really nailed that landing!

 

No, as for the game.  It was an amalgam of girls, ages 6-8, and wow, what an offensive juggernaut.  The refs are there for appearances only, as they do not call walking, traveling, running towards the wrong basket, over-anxious Dad's screaming from the bleachers, double-dribbling, muggings, stabbings, or fouls of any kind for that matter.  Most mercifully, the clock never stops running for the whole game . . .

 

The score at half time was 1 to 0.  Yes, you read that right.  The final score was 4 to 3.  Wow, it was a brutal loss for the Sparkler's, but fear not, Ava will be there to cheer you on to your next win!

 

 



Dissed!

This is Owen Michael, the youngest of my grandchildren.  Officially, he is 3.5, though he is taller than any member of the family was when measured on the various time lines at Christmas, even taller than Eli the then 4.5 year old, and at O'Mike's 3 year check up, he was as tall as 5 year olds.  This 'little' boy is a tall one, and NO ONE that we come in contact with believes us that he is just 3 when they ask.

Anyway, on New Year's Eve, Nini and I went over to J&S for an afternoon with the boys, dinner, and we lasted till about 8'ish before heading home.  It was an incredibly fun day of footballs, games, basketballs, games, kickballs, games, footballs, hidengoseek, basketballs, food, soccer balls, bowling balls, ping pong balls, nerf balls, golf balls, bigfoot, balloon balls, etc.  These little boys live for balls...

And, for their Daddy's iPad.

This picture of O'Mike is after he had ripped the iPad out of my hand, grabbed his blanket, and huffed off to the end of the couch.  I had just been officially dissed by a 3 year old.  Ouch.

O'Mike the brainiac asked me if I wanted to play a game with him on the iPad.  It is amazing to watch him (as a southpaw) download games, pay for games, load/adjust volume/adjust contrast, and position his body for maximum hand movement.

I think the name of the game that he downloaded for us is called Subway Slut, or Train Tramp, or something of that nature.  (I thought this iPad had parental controls, but if it does, O'Mike has hacked the password.  But wait, now that I think of it; it is Steven's iPad; hmmm.)

I told him sure I'd play with him, so he cuddles up in my lap and tells me that he will go first to show me how to play it.  He shows me quite adroitly over the next 4-5 games, and it doesn't look too complicated, so I ask for a turn.  He gets a little huffy, but relinquishes control, albeit temporarily, so that Pappy can try to help the pretty 14 year old girl with the ample C cups jump from track to track while trying to outrun the fat man.  Or at least that's what I think she was trying to do...

So, after 2 quick attempts of trying to help the girl (covering 11 seconds of screen time); Owen, showing the patience of Job, pulls the iPad out of my hands, and storms off in a huff saying "That's NOT how you do it Pappy!"

Well, excuse me GameBoy, but my skills can't get honed in 11 seconds like yours can ;-)

Yep, I'd just been officially dissed by a 3 year old...