Happy Thanksgiving: 16 Fun Facts of Life

Stolen without permission.  Hilarious stuff.  16 Fun Facts of Life:

1) Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.

2) Meetings & Manager's: the reason why the human race has never achieved its full potential, and never will achieve its full potential.

3) There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'.

4) Do you want the other person to tell you about his 'contrary to your' religious beliefs? If no, then why do you think he wants to hear about yours?

5) Do not confuse your career with your life.

6) No one cares if you do not dance very well.  Just get up and dance dang it.

7) Never lick a steak knife.

8) Gossip: the most destructive force in the universe.

9) Daylight saving time: no one will ever be able to give you a clear and compelling argument for why we still need this archaic 250 year old practice once observed by the farmers of old. Who in their right mind wants it to still be light at 9:30 at night in the summer?

10) Never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant, unless you see an actual baby emerging from the groin at that precise moment.

11) Age 11: the age when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal out of your birthday.

12) The one thing that unites all of humanity is that deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are really good drivers.

13) That person that you think is really nice, if you see them being rude to a waiter; they are not a nice person after all.  Waiters and waitresses have one of the hardest jobs in the world.

14) Your true friends will always love you; not so with your family.

15) Never be afraid to try something new.  Remember that it was an amateur that built the Ark, but a large group of professionals that designed and built the Titanic.

16) Men are like a fine wine.  They are start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the snot out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Now, go out there and make it a great day!

The Crew

 

Ava Corinne.  On her way to All-American crown.

 

 

Emma Jo.  On her way to Miss America. She was practicing for the future swimsuit competition.

 

 

Will Parker.  On his way to becoming a male model.

 

 

Leader of the pack.  Best shout, best base, best smile.

 

 

Celebrating another win with his best friend Mason.

 

 

These are just a few random pics that popped up on my download list. 

 

They are just too stinking good not to show off with a Pappy post.

 

I just posted my most current ones of o'Mike so there are no new ones of him on here; and I so rarely get a photo of Jared and Jack that the only ones I have of them are from a few years ago.

 

(Jan: please send pics.)

 

:-)

 

"Happy Thanksgiving" 

The Natural

 

 

Owen Michael is naturally gifted at so many things.  It is effortless for him. 

 

Talking to strangers.  Check.  He even asked me for permission to do this before we walked into Bass Pro.  When we were done for the evening, he stopped and told a couple that he approved of the clothes that they were about to purchase.  He told the lady "That looks nice."  She looked at him kind of befuddled, and didn't really say anything.  The husband though told him 'thank you', and then we moved on.  Owen then looked up at me at said "Well Pappy, you told me that I could talk to people."

 

Noticing attractive girls, teenagers, and women?  Check.  Talking confidently to them.  Check.  Asking the blond 28 year old Hooters waitress if she is married?  Check.  (Yeah I made that one up, she is probably not older than 22.)

 

He can throw a tight spiral at 5 years of age better than most 8 year olds.  He can dribble a basketball so well that it makes me stare in awe.  He has the power and grace to sink a basketball at the 10' goal height!  (I first noticed the natural knee bend of him shooting the ball when he wasn't even yet 3, and he has only gotten better the last 2 years.)

 

And talk about power?! This boy has natural strength too.  He can drill a baseball into my back fence like it was just hit by a teenager.  But alas; he does not like team or individual sports. 

 

Instead, he is going to be an outdoor sportsman.  And he will be great at that too.  He will be a completely happy married camper one day; provided that Mrs. Owen is young, fit, attractive, and more than likely blond.  He is an equal opportunity offender of the sexes.  It doesn't matter how pretty the little girl is; if he doesn't think so, he quickly moves onto the next one.  And if you are a little boy that looks or acts like a baby, he is not afraid to tell them that and move on to someone more mature.

 

~

 

Last Friday night, Romeo and I went to Bass Pro; his #1 most favorite thing to do in the entire world other than camping.  If he could, he would be living in a tent or a cabin right now.  We spent a few hours in Santa's village.  He was an eagle eye on the gun range.  I had no idea he had become such a great shot; another 'natural' thing for him.  He was nailing it.  I never expected him to hit a thing, but instead he was hitting the targets more than he was missing.  His first time through, he had shot the deer, the pheasant, the raccoon, and the bear (twice for the bear).  If you look close at the shooting photo, you will see the red light still glimmering from confirmation of the bear hit.

 

He loves dogs too.  (And I hear what you are saying, nope, he dang sure didn't get that from me.) 

 

He was distracted for several minutes as he was watching Santa have his picture taken with these three beasts of the apocalypse.  Man those were big dogs; easily weighing 250 each.  I stayed well away from them as they passed by my direction, and I had the camera on zoom to get the picture of Owen completely enamored by these dogs.  Plus, of course, he had to pet them, rub them, and got permission to kiss them as they walked by his way.  Yuck. 

 

Owen is not just a dog lover; he loves all animals in general, just as much as he loves the outdoors.

 

~

 

In the top photo, my little Daniel Boone needed a pee break, and he insisted on shooting the toilets after he had finished his business.  And yes, he washed his hands!  While he is best known for taking #1 aim outdoors when he is at home; when he is with me, I will do my best to keep him civilized and not peeing in the trout stream as we walk to the bathroom.  He was eyeing it for sure; and I could see the wheels turning in his head . . .

 

I love you Owen Michael.  You bless my life more than you will ever know.

 

- Pappy

 



Thanksgiving School Lunch

Last week, both Nini and myself were able to go to the girls school for the annual Thanksgiving lunch.  We were both surprised by what was lacking . . .

There was no turkey; instead it was creamed chicken.
There was no dressing; instead it was mashed potato's.
There was no cranberry anything; instead it was a package of raw baby carrots.

But, we were there for the company instead.  Getting to enjoy 50 minutes of 1 on 1 time with each of the girls separately was very enjoyable.  They told us all about their teachers, their school subjects, and their fellow students.

Both of them told me that "Centers" was their favorite subject.  Centers is something that apparently changes; as it can be art, or music, or drama. 

And that makes complete sense for these two, as they are both filled to the brim with drama (I think they already won 4 Emmy's and 5 Golden Globes between the two of them), and they definitely love the art and music too.

The teachers were all very nice, and young; age range was 22-26.  (I saw none of the old school battle ax's that I remember from my days of grade school).

I love these girls.  I love their smiles, their warmth, and the love that they are not afraid to show.  I know that all too soon it won't be cool anymore to bring their Nini and Pappy to lunch with them; but until that segue happens, I am going to be "Lovin' every minute of it Jerry!"

See you soon girls for Thanksgiving at Paps. 

I love you!

Snow?

Arguably, Oklahoma has the most unstable and unpredictable weather in the country.  That might be why the National Weather Center is in Norman.  It also seems that every weather person employed in Oklahoma Meteorology holds a Doctorate. 

And, the lucky ones with good genes that are attractive enough for TV will earn $250k a year (not for their Doctorate), but because they have good hair and white teeth, and want to be frequently used when trying to frighten the Beelzebub out of us during severe storm season.

Storm season?  That is all 365 days a year, okay, maybe 358.  We have 7 perfect days a year, but that is max.  Never know when it might be 96 in November with 75% humidity and the chance of an isolated twister. 

I still remember the 92 degree day we had in February not too many years ago.  Calling our temps normal, (or used for 30 year averages), is a bastardization of math.  This past week, we have been 20 to 30 degrees below the normal 'average' temp for 8 days in a row.  We have been colder now that we normally are in the heart of January!

Sometimes, we have no storm season, when it might be 110-115 for 21 days in a row in July, and the only thing resembling a cloud in the sky is the water vapor from the Kimberly-Clark plant in Jenks.

Storm season?  The scariest number is 30% chance of rain.  Around here, that means "Take Cover!", as we here in TV land don't have a clue what it might do.  With 30% chance of rain, we have had monsoons, tornado's, flash floods, and hail the size of soccer balls. 

Storm season?  In the past, if a winter storm starts being hyped 8 days in advance, I know enough to not be too worried, because it is not going to materialize like they think.  Heck, I've gone to bed at 10p the night before with a 100% chance of rain the next day, only to be greeted with clear skies, and with the closest rain being north of Caney, KS and never heading south all day.  True story, you can't make this stuff up (apologies to Joe McGee for the stolen line).

As I was preparing the gourmet roast beef meal planned for Sunday, I detected a sour odor from the meat, and decided to pitch it instead of cooking it.  So . . . during a light snow, I ventured up to Country Mart, which was an 8 minute commute.  In that time, I took evasive driving maneuvers twice on the road, and twice more in the Country Mart parking lot! 

Why does a storm, or the threat of a storm bring out the worst idiot driver's imaginable?

This past 'winter storm' that hit on Sunday was no exception.  The forecast was an 80% chance for 1" to 3" of snow.  Very manageable.  Nothing serious, and the weather people said it was not even going to stick on the roads.  So, if it was not going to stick on the roads, (which it didn't), why did I see 3 snow plows?  One was an individual, and 2 were the giant City of Tulsa snow plows wasting tax money by paying the driver's double time.

 

 

While in Country Mart, people were emptying the shelves preparing for Armageddon.  Arms were raking entire shelves of canned goods into baskets and carts.  One female wildebeest cut me off while I was trying to navigate to the meat section.  Another beached whale looked like she was preparing to knife me if I grabbed the chuck roast that she had her eye on.  She was obviously afraid it might have been her last meal here on earth. 

 

There was nothing worthy of purchase remaining in the meat section, so I left for Wal-Mart.

 

Another 5 minutes down Hwy. 51, with untold number of cars/trucks zooming past me at no less than 72 mph in a 55 mph zone, I cautiously entered the parking lot of Hades.  Land of the damned.  Enter at your own risk.  And risky it was.  To avoid the live game of bumper cars that was going on all around me; I parked at the very end of the last row, and hiked the 2 minutes to the front door.  In the process, I burned 11 calories . . .

 

And what was lying in wait for me inside?  This:

 

 

One roast.  A bad one too.  The meat section was empty, virtually cleaned out.  I asked a stocker, he didn't even have anymore roasts in back, as he said he couldn't keep the sections stocked fast enough.

 

So, I decided to buy chicken wings.  But, zero, zip, nada.

 

The peeps in Wal-Mart were in a more heightened frenzy of 'horde mode' than the ones at Country Mart!  I kept saying to myself, it's barely snowing!

 

As my daughter would say; wowzers!

 

I was done, not going anywhere else.  I went back home and made some chicken breasts that we had thawed, and spent the rest of the day reading a book.

 

And you ask "How much snow did you get?"  Well, this is what 1" to 3" of snow looks like.  We got a 'dusting':

 

 

And to think about those poor people in Buffalo that got 6 FEET of snow from their storm yesterday.  6 FEET!  In one storm! 

 

Now that is a true wowzers!

 

God's Sense Of Humor

I absolutely love God's sense of humor!  And if you don't think He has a sense of humor, then you need to think again.  Or, I could have said it this way, "if you don't think that God has a sense of humor, then you have another think coming your way."

Editor's note: please use the correct word think when repeating this cliché, as it is not a 'thing coming your way', it is a think coming your way. :-)   

God is the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Name above all names, and the great I AM.  I love the I AM poster.  But it is lacking one title that could have been slipped in at the very end; I AM the ultimate comedian.  We are made in His image, and this includes His humor, laughing, and sarcasm.

Have you ever listened to Mark Lowry?  If not, rent his DVD.  He is the funniest Christian comedian that God ever made.  He is pee in your pants funny.  Your sides will ache from laughter.

Need more proof?

Other than Justin Timberlake; have you ever seen a white man able to dance like Michael Jackson?

Other than M&M; have you ever heard a white man that can rap as great as Usher?

Other than Bruce Willis; have you ever seen a bald white man that looks as good bald as any black guy does?

Other than Emeril Lagasse; have you ever seen a white man that can cook southern food to the pinnacle of perfection?

Those are plenty of humorous examples with how God decided to 'mess up the white man'. 

But for me, I need look no further than my own bathroom for proof of His humor. 

Over the past few years, I have been in many dozens of customer bathrooms providing quotes for remodeling.  The thing that consistently amazes me is the boat load of items on the woman's side, compared to the sparse items on the man's side.

By comparison to my own bathroom, I have seen other ladies side bathrooms with 10, 12, 15x the amount of supplies and accessories that my wife uses!  It is astonishing.  I have seen bathrooms so full of items that I thought they robbed the Dillard's and Ulta counters the night before.  Dozens and dozens of bottles of perfume, hair things by the dozens, and even more 100's of things for the face. 

How else could this not be God?  I can hear Him now, "Ok Adam, you guys will get by with some soap and dull sheers for the rest of eternity.  But Eve, ha ha, sorry honey, but your lady descendants are going to need 3 piece sets of luggage to transport toiletries in a few 1,000's of years."

For a man's shower, what is needed is a bar of soap, shaving cream, and a razor.

But, for a woman's shower, what is needed is 4 shelves of gear, each with it's own purpose, with a total of 18 items at their disposal for that day's shower needs.

For a man to finish getting ready of a morning, what is needed is a Q-tip for each ear, deodorant, and cologne.

But, for a woman to finish getting ready of a morning, what is needed is 4 fully stocked drawers of necessities, totaling well into multiple 100's of selections, that overflow into 2 fully stocked back up baskets that are hauled out for use each morning too.

It takes a man 8-10 minutes from start to finish.

My wife moves at light speed, and still takes 40 minutes from start to finish.  When she is really getting dolled up though, it is over an hour.  She is incredibly gorgeous to me without 'help', but wow, after 40-60 minutes of prep time, an amazing transformation has just occurred!

I still crack up about it though.  If God had wanted to, he could have made man the one that needed 40-60 minutes to be transformed.  But, THANK GOD He didn't!  I'd not have the patience for it!

Thank you ladies for bearing this burden.  You can complain privately to God when you see Him one day and tell Him that you don't think His joke was very funny . . . :-)

And don't even get me started about female menopause vs. male andropause.  We'll save that for another blogging chapter sometime down the road; as well as the extra night time trips to the bathroom and wild hairs. Yeah, that should make for some pretty comical stuff.

Until then, I might see if a 3rd Q-tip is needed in the morning . . .

Comfort Food

My favorite comfort foods:

Nini's fried chicken, mashed potato's (sans gravy), corn.

Nini's chicken fried steak, mashed potato's, cream gravy, green beans.

Nini's Meat loaf, mashed potato's (sans gravy), carrots.

Pappy's spaghetti and meatballs with Bolognese sauce.

Pappy's fully loaded 3/4lb. double cheeseburger, with home made French fries.

Pappy's homemade cold cut combo hoagie sandwich, with Frito's.

Pappy's slab of smoked pork ribs, with baked beans.

Pappy's Hasty-Bake grilled steak (Filet or Ribeye), with Asparagus, and salad.

Supreme thin-crust pizza.

And soups of almost any kind.  My favorites are chili con carne, ham and beans with cornbread, potato soup, zuppa Toscana, meaty stew, and pasta Fazoli.  It doesn't have to be cold outside, I will readily eat hearty soups any day of the year.

My problem with comfort food is eating within my limits.  I know my limits, I just usually eat well past them; especially with fried chicken, chicken fried steak, pizza, soups, meatballs, ribs; oh heck, I eat well past my limits on almost everything.  Especially comfort food.

Why is comfort food called comfort food?  It sure does make me uncomfortable over-eating it.  It makes my waist line expand.  It makes my cholesterol go up.

I enjoy cooking.  I love food. 

I especially love comfort food! 

And today's delicious lunch:

  

'Country' Living for a Birthday!

As a young father, I always (and still do) want the best for my daughters, and we always wanted them to want to be at home.  My income level though sometimes prevented purchasing the best, and is why several of their pools were above-ground, before we were finally able to afford building a nice in-ground pool.  But, with the above-ground pools, they thought they were great, and so did their friends, and that is what we were striving for.  We wanted our girls to be home, and we wanted their friends coming to our house; not the other way around.

When I built them their first play house, it really was top of the line, complete with roof shingles, a fully functioning front door, and a partition over the window openings to help shield the rain.  It was built on joists to keep the floor dry, and the T-111 panels and cedar trim edges had 2 coats of paint. They loved it, and spent untold hours playing in it, as did the neighborhood friends.

The same held true when we installed the trampoline.  Wow, how many hours did I see kids jumping on that!?

The same held true when we installed a basketball goal in Dodge City, then on Narcissus, then on Oak, and then on Ashbury Ct.  By the time we had the last one up, the girls had grown to an age where their older male teenage friends would come over on Sunday nights after church for gorilla ball.  It was awesome; such incredible memories.  And yes, other than a lone game of 1 on 1 that I lost to James, my Won-Loss record against these youth went completely untarnished. :-)

Keeping with that theme, and now with six loved ones that call me Pappy or Paps, I still want the exact same thing.  I am blessed that all six still live in the same metro area, and for purely selfish reasons, I want our home to be the one that they want to come to!

This is one reason why we had this really nice play set installed 7 years ago.  It is starting to show its age, but Sunday at WP's party, it still had several visitors playing on it all day.

 



This is also why we have a fresh dump truck load of 12 yards of sandy loam delivered about every 2-3 years.  The pile is really getting low now, as the grass is growing over the base, and we are due for another dump of dirt before spring.  It is amazing how long kids will sit and dig holes in a big pile of dirt, and how many hours of fun they can have.

 

 

 

Due to Pam's allergies, we no longer can burn wood in either of our indoor fireplaces, but when we have friends and family over on chilly fall days; there is nothing better than to build an outdoor wood fire. This is from WP's birthday party, and adults took turns standing under the portable gas heater, or standing/sitting next to the fire that we kept roaring throughout the day.  Yes, that is Pam standing close to the fire smoke, but she did not stay there long.  (It was a very windy day, so 100% of the smoke did not go up the chimney.)

 

 

 

We hosted WP's (Will Parker's) 8th birthday party at our home on Sunday.  WP is totally into football, primarily OU, and this was one table of snacks.  The dining room table was also outfitted with additional OU themed food.  

 

 





 
One of the BIG benefits of living in the country is; wait, let me back up.  It's not really country.  We live in a one-street cul-de-sac neighborhood of 14 homes with lots that range in size from 1.25 to 2.5 acres. 

The neighborhood is between Broken Arrow and Coweta, and I don't call anything that is a neighborhood 'country' (though Pam certainly does) :-).  Ours is on a corner lot, with neighbors a full acre away; it is great.  Our lot is over 2 acres, and after 700 linear feet of wood privacy fence was installed 10 years ago, the back acre is fully enclosed.

This also allows for grooming of a private football field!  We scalped a good size version of field, and then painted the customary boundaries. The first few pictures here shows some of his friends just showing up and engaging in a scrum.  The 3rd picture is 'most' of the kids in a game. This is the one game that eventually had 18 players, and I played QB for each team.  TD's were counted as 1 point each, and WP's team won the marathon game 21-17.  I say marathon because while I lasted about 4 hours, WP and Flap Jack were still playing well after dark, and were the final two off the field. 

The only temporary game interruptions were for cake, singing, gifts, a special father/son game, and a few 'inside' pee breaks (though I was later told that a few of the boys also took it upon themselves to relieve themselves behind the trees.)

 

 

And this is one of many reasons why I love living in the 'country'.  It's only a 24 minute drive to the 'civilization' of 101st & Memorial; but still, one year soon, we will be gone from our current 'country' home as we have decided to downsize.

 

We have had it for sale for 2.5 years, and know that the law of large numbers will have it sold before that number turns to 5.0 years.  When it does sell though, we already own a smaller 1.1 acre 'country' lot at 141st & Sheridan in Eagle Rock that will have plenty of room for a really nice gunite swimming pool, an outdoor living area, and with just a big enough side yard to house a basketball court.  We will be building the home ourselves of course.  Most unfortunate though, there will not be room for a football field so that will make this past Sunday's memory a very fond one.

 

This Pappy will continue to provide things endearing to the loved ones, as we will ALWAYS want them (and their friends) to come to our home for special play times!  It is so much fun.

 

I am a blessed man, a much blessed man. 

Why I am 6xPappy

These incredible 6 are the reason my blog is called 6x Pappy.  I don't know if I am exactly right on their ages in ( ), but I do know after Ava's birthday in Feb., their ages will be 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

From Left:

Emma Jo (6.33), in the wind-chill near freezing temps last night, she threw in the bucket early.

Ava Corinne (8.75), she lasted quite a while, but she was the next to go.  I think she only had 2 buckets full of the sweet stuff.

Jack Arthur (7), he just radioed in to the tow truck operator that he is about to call it a night. He filled four of his six 55 gallon drums with candy, and they were ready for pickup.  We all agreed that 6 drums was a lofty goal, but 4 full drums should at least last him the week. 

Owen Michael (5.25), was of course the boldest of the night.  A few quips that were passed along were "Trick or Treat lady, now give me the candy!", and "Trick or Treat, I'm thirsty, can I have a drink please?" (yes, the wife provided Owen with the drink he needed).

Jared Henry (10), won the award for most disgusting outfit of the night, in a HazMat suit, that appears to be complimented by raw fecal material from the neighborhood dogs. 

Special note about Jared Henry, as I don't blog about him too often, but I got to see him play goalie on his soccer team last week, and he did great.  His team won that game 5-1, and he successfully defended all but 1 of 17 shots on goal from his position.  The one he missed was literally within whisker length of his fingertips, and he was completely horizontally stretched out in the air diving for it.  It would have made for a good camera photo.

His team had been taught how to play good defense too.  He always had 1 or 2 helpers in the box angling for steals; which was something the other team had not been taught, and was another reason his team won 5-1.

And, as you can see from this picture, he will be the tallest of the three.  At 10, and already standing 5' tall, my earlier prediction of 6'4" is officially adjusted to 6'5".  I'm going to stay with Owen at 6'4" because of his height reality too, and that is at age 5, he is taller than all 6 year olds, and as tall as some of the shorter 7 year olds, and Will to top out at 6'2".  Write it down, take it to the bank.  These are going to be some tall white boys.

Will Parker (8), is our current football star.  His teammates made it to the playoffs with only minimal contusions, I think one broken bone or sprain?, and thankfully no concussions; as this was the first year that LCS made the bone-headed decision that 2nd graders should be taught and practice the violence of tackle football. Idiotic.

Will's original costume was Mario, to be opposite Owen's Luigi, but football rules, so he made a quick costume change after the initial photo.

~

I love these 6 with all of my heart!  I am truly a blessed man!